Divorce Challenges During the Holidays

The happiest time of the year can also be the time most rife with emotion and tension. Especially when you have a very emotional and dynamic situation such as a divorce or separation in the works.

While it is common for issues to ignite during the holidays, there are strategies you can employ and things you can do to help ease or avoid potential tension.

Why Can the Holidays be Tricky in Family Law?

The holidays are an emotional time, both the good and the bad. Divorce and separation often stirs up issues that hit close to home. Common items that only receive attention once a problem arises can include:

• Scheduling Conflicts: Your normal parenting plan may not address the school breaks and special, out-of-the-ordinary plans that the holidays bring. This is especially problematic if guidance and flexibility is not built into your parenting plan.
• Out-of-State or International Travel: Out of the ordinary travel plans might be a new frontier. The holidays might be the first time a parent has to deal with another parent’s desire to take the children out of the state without them.
• Emotional Strain – The holidays can bring up unresolved feelings, and can make handling extra interaction with your ex more difficult.

Strategies for High-Tension Holiday Situations

If you always have in mind that you need to anticipate potential hot-points of conflict, you can more easily avoid unnecessary conflict. Here are some tips to help prevent escalation of issues.

• Stay Focused on the Kids: Their experience and their memories are what matters most. Keeping their experience and best interests in mind can help you to remain focused on your real priorities, rather than any chaos or wrench in the plan your ex may throw into the mix.
• Set Clear Boundaries for Communication: Communication is important, but it does not need to be done face to face or all at once. If emotions are escalating, revisit the conversation at a later date, have your attorneys communicate, or work with a co-parent counselor to assist with communications.
• Embrace the New: In divorce or separation, no one gets everything that they want. While all of “what once was” may not be possible, you have the opportunity to create something new. Creating new traditions can help you let go of time you may not have access to anymore, and help ease the strain of the flexibility that is required after divorce.
• Plan for Flexibility: Be prepared to face the holidays with flexibility. You cannot anticipate every issue or change that will come your way post-divorce or post-separation. A willingness to be flexible can help everyone have an easier time. There will be times when BOTH parents will need the other to be flexible. Building rapport on your side can go a long way to helping you down the line. And a history of flexibility can reflect well on you if you ever do need to return to court.

Contact Cardwell Steigerwald Young LLP

The experienced San Francisco family lawyers at Cardwell Steigerwald Young LLP can help you navigate through every hurdle in your divorce and custody case. Contact our office today to see how our team can help in your own situation.