How to deal with a Stonewalling Spouse in Divorce
Divorce is typically challenging. It can become even more challenging when one spouse refuses to engage or communicate in the process. This behavior is often called “stonewalling.” It can be one of the most frustrating obstacles in a divorce. However, there are strategies for dealing with stonewalling. With the guidance of an experienced divorce attorney you can keep things moving and protect your best interests.
Below are some key points to help you manage a stonewalling spouse during divorce.
Remember: This Too Shall Pass
It is understandable to feel frustrated, angry, or hurt when your spouse refuses to engage in the divorce process. But giving in to those emotions can do more harm than good. Maintaining your composure is essential for ensuring that you make the right steps that best serve you as you move forward. Maintaining your composure also ensures that heated statements you might make when you are triggered do not come back to hurt your case.
Know that even if your spouse IS stonewalling – California law has developed to ensure that a person never HAS to stay in a marriage. Even if your spouse stonewalls you every step of the way – it is not a winning strategy.
Understanding the Option of a Default Divorce
As stated above, no one can force another person to stay married, simply by refusing to engage in divorce proceedings. If one spouse seeks a divorce, the other cannot avoid it by simply ignoring the paperwork.
Indeed, if a spouse is served with a divorce petition and refuses to respond to the divorce petition, the petitioner can seek a default divorce, which essentially means that the judge may approve the terms the petitioner requests without the other spouse’s input. An experienced divorce attorney at Cardwell Steigerwald Young, LLP can explain the details of default divorce with you, and help determine whether it’s a scenario that fits your circumstances.
For those who are not just starting the divorce process but are, instead, stuck in the middle of it with a non-cooperative partner, there are strategies you can employ to get to your best possible outcome.
Use Clear, Documented Communication
It serves you well to have your communication with the stonewalling spouse in writing. This might be through e-mail, text, or another form of documented communication. This paper trail ensures there is a record of your efforts, and a record of agreements that you have made or statements that have been made.
Written communication can also take away the immediacy of face-to-face communication. Perhaps the emotional charge of face-to-face meetings is too much for the spouse to manage, and their “stonewalling” is actually just an inability to process everything in the moment. Taking things to a written, more removed setting could allow the spouse more time to appropriately react and respond, reducing the stonewalling effect.
Set Clear Expectations and Priorities
Divorce does not have to be a tug-of-war over every detail. They key is identifying what really matters and clearly communicating what you need and when is important. In order to cooperate effectively, each party does need to know what to do. Each party clearly communicating their priorities can also be key to resolving divorce cases quickly. Do not make the mistake of fighting over things that you do not really care about.
Be specific about what is non-negotiable and what you are more willing to compromise on. This helps set a framework for cooperative interactions and an end result more favorable to both parties.
Contact Cardwell Steigerwald Young, LLP
Dealing with a stonewalling spouse is exhausting, but you do not have to do it alone. Experienced San Francisco divorce attorneys at Cardwell Steigerwald Young, LLP can help you navigate through any complexity you find in your own case. Contact our office today to discuss your situation.
Sources:
selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce/default#:~:text=If%20you%20don’t%20file,to%20sign%20the%20final%20papers.
courts.ca.gov/sites/default/files/courts/default/2024-11/fl120.pdf
